Today T. Harv Eker not only gets to the core of why we do what we do, and feel how we feel, but also provides a practice to get out, and stay out of that cycle when that cycle is based on low self-worth.
See how and where this pertains to you…
“I feel uncomfortable around rich people.
Those much wealthier than me.
I mean, I compare myself to them and I feel ‘less than’ or I go to the other side of the pendulum and I go ‘Oh, I didn’t want to have that big fancy house anyways. I’m happy as I am.’
I know it’s not true.
I know I want to go for more, be more, give more.
It’s been over 10 years since doing the Millionaire Mind Intensive and I didn’t unveil this about myself until now.
So how do I stop sabotaging my wealth and myself now that I’m aware of this?”
Thank you for this really really great question that speaks for so many other people because, if we’re being completely honest…
How often do you compare yourself to others?
Harv suggests that it’s far more regular than you might think...
Firstly, understand that playing the game called ‘comparison’ is a NO-WIN proposition.
Even if your mind wants to play this game, Harv emphasizes that you cannot win…
Why?
Because you can guarantee that there will always be someone who’s richer than you, and there will always be someone who’s poorer than you.
Hey, if you’re going to play the comparison game going up, Harv warns that you’re going to play it going down too…
“Well look how much money this person has, and those people…. I should have this and I should have that…”
You know what, internally you go…
“Look how poor that person is compared to me… I should be giving them all my money… I shouldn’t even be making all this money while they’re not…”
So you’re going to play that game and it’s a no-win proposition because it’s got an infinite amount of possibilities according to Harv…
The answer to this is that you are your own journey of life.
It doesn’t matter what anybody else is doing, okay?
So you are your own journey of life, says Harv, and if you’re going to compare yourself, you don’t compare yourself to anybody else.
You compare yourself only to yourself… Only to yourself and hopefully to the progress you’ve been making.
Agreed?
NO!
That’s a trick!
Harv would only say that to you if you were beginners, or a little over beginners.
But not if you’ve been on this millionaire mentality journey for as long as you have, and most of you have been here for quite a while!
Remember what you’ve been learning here… It centers around what Harv teaches most passionately…
How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything!
And if you’re going to compare yourself to others, or to yourself, Harv says you’re still playing the same game!
You’re still playing the game of comparison which we all know by now is a NO-WIN proposition!
It doesn’t matter if you’re playing with other people, if you’re playing with monkeys or if you’re playing with your own self, it’s a NO-WIN!
And Harv stresses that you have to cut the game out completely!
At your level of awareness, you can understand and embrace this now...
HOW YOU DO ANYTHING IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING.
How would you lose the game of comparison with yourself?
Harv explains that, because you and energy, as all life energy goes, constantly go up and down - you oscillate...
So here you are, comparing yourself when you’re on a little bit of a down day and you need a bit of a break and you go…
“Yesterday I was so happy, and I was flying and I had all this energy, and I don’t know but today I’ve like, gone downhill and I don’t have any energy and I’m tired!
What’s wrong with me?! I’m not growing, I must be dying! I’m terrible! What a jerk I am! Whhhyyyyyyyyygh!!!”
Does that sound familiar to you?
When Harv says “You don’t compare!” he means it... Don’t compare - period! Just stop it okay?!
“So what do I do instead, Harv?”
You Stay Present.
Harv will remind you that staying present is the answer to a lot of problems.
Stay present, because you know why?
Being present, says Harv, is the real world instead of ‘could’, ‘would’, ‘should’, ‘if only’...
None of those exist in the present, have you ever noticed?
All that is BS that your monkey mind (Harv's term for the conditioned mind) makes up in your head…
“Well, you could be this… You should be that… You would've been this if only….”
It’s frickin’ make-believe stories like Cinde-frickin’-rella okay… Harv warns that YOU are making that crap up!
And he urges you to Stay Present - because ‘present’ is real.
So answer this quickly…
What if you accepted yourself fully… the way you are right now?
What if you accepted your life fully… the way it is right now?
What if you’re actually…
Content… “Gasp! Oh no, don’t say that!”
Yup... He said it, okay! And Harv begs the question again…
What if you’re actually content with yourself and your life right now?
“Aah Harv, I can’t do that…I just can’t.”
“Well, why can’t you be content?”
“Because I’ll be a sloth after that and I’ll never do another thing again and I’ll be broke and destitute and lying in the middle of the ground and be a ‘homeless’ if I’m content!”
“Really? Who told you that? That’s BS… Total BS.”
You see, according to Harv, we don’t allow ourselves to be content because God forbid… If we’re content, bad things will happen.
What a bunch of crap.
If you’re peaceful, and you’re happy, and you’re content right this minute, does that mean you can’t be any more, and that better and additional things can’t happen for you?
You can’t grow anymore?
Harv says NO!
What if Harv can be content right where he is right now in his life, and with what it is?
And since it is what it is, that’s all it can be… Everything else is frickin’ make-believe…
So Harv’s going to be content with what’s going on right now in his life, whatever it is okay…
And here’s the kicker, he adds…
He’s going to be content even though his life isn’t perfect… “OMG! No Way!?”
OH Yes!
Harv admits that he has a lot of things going on in his life…
He has a huge problem in his backyard where the guy who was digging it up, broke one of the frickin’ sewer pipes, and guess what’s flooding all over the place…
But guess what… He’s content.
Harv asserts that he can be content with sewage sh!t going all over the back.
Yeah, that’s right…
Because there’s always going to be something going on, isn’t there?
If it’s not with Harv’s life or with your own life, it’s with the world - look for it, and you WILL find something to be dissatisfied about.
And you’ll never be content…
That’s why Harv says that you’ve got to be content right now with where you are and who you are right this minute…
And in addition to that, you can still grow… You can still strive… You can still achieve…
Sure, it’s hard to do, but why is it hard to do?
Harv suggests two reasons…
Reason one… conditioning, conditioning, conditioning!
Reason two… habit, habit, habit!
According to Harv, most of us were taught… “Don’t be happy until you’re at that perfect frickin’ level of life…”
You can’t be happy…
You can be joyous for a while, you can have some pleasure for a while, but you can’t be really happy… And don’t you dare be content!
If you want to achieve in the world, here’s the word Harv says we’ve been taught…
If you want to be an achiever, you must be dissatisfied with the current status.
But Harv argues the contrary… He believes that you can be fully satisfied...
And achieve more… And grow more… And earn more money… And have better relationships… And get healthier… And lose some weight if that's what you're after…
Why not?!
Harv explains that, if you wait until the future when all that stuff is perfect for you to be satisfied, guess what’s going to happen….
It’s going to happen NEVER okay!
Now Harv didn’t say comfortable, because comfortable is not the same as content… Get it?
'Comfortable' isn’t the same as being content, but if you want to be happy, Harv suggests that you want to be content okay?
And yes, you can achieve in addition to being content from that spot, so he recommends that you be okay with that.
Now, no more comparison-game!
Accept yourself and your life and where it is right now, says Harv…
Be content with where it is and still be okay with striving for more, not to think it’s going to be any better…
You don’t strive for more, believing you’re going to be happier!
There is no ‘happier’...
Harv emphasizes that happier is NOT in the future, adding that you have to learn to be as happy as you possibly can right now in the present moment with whatever is going on.
Because according to Harv, it is a practice - your happiness is a habit.
If you can’t be happy now, Harv warns that you’re not going to be happy later either…
Are you getting this?
And then you use situations to hope you’ll be happier…
“I’ll be happier IF… I make a lot of money… I have better relationships… I’m healthier...”
Yeah, you probably might add to your happiness, sure, but that doesn’t mean you better not be frickin’ happy right now!
What’s wrong with being fully 1000% happy right now and then adding to your happiness, huh?
What’s wrong with being a 10 at happiness right now and going to a higher level?
“What do you mean Harv? Because the scale only goes to 10…”
Well, you know what, Harv recommends that you up your scale!
So you choose to be happy right now with what’s going on in your life and it may not be perfect, and it will not be perfect, and it will never be perfect!
One more thing Harv has to say about this question.
You use the words… “I compare myself to them and I feel ‘less than’...”.
When someone uses the words ‘less than’, it’s never about the situation around the ‘I feel less than’...
Here’s Harv’s secret to getting to the core of what’s going on…
Get rid of all the superfluous words and go right to the FEELING and right to the issue.
Harv identified that the issue here is ‘feeling less than’.
And it doesn’t matter what you do, says Harv… You will feel ‘less than’ - because you feel less than…
You don’t feel as good as you can feel about yourself.
Your worthiness, your value ability - that’s what we have to work on, says Harv.
It’s not about having less or more money, because you’ll always have less or more than others.
It’s not about the money because you’ll always find something else to feel ‘less than’ about, he warns.
Because how you do anything is how you do everything.
According to Harv, ‘Less Than’ is the thread that runs through your life.
Clean up the ‘less than’, then Harv believes you get everything cleaned up.
If you cannot be 100% fully happy right now, Harv asserts that you can never be happy, because it’s a habit.
And his advice?
Clean up the habit.
Don’t live in the world of ‘current situation’.
Harv challenges you to live in the world of your core elements of what you believe.
And if you cannot believe that you can allow full happiness right now, then according to Harv, that’s the limiting belief system you have in place - so practice happiness now.
One of the secrets to happiness is appreciation - look around you, recognize what you can appreciate, and practice it, he adds.
The beautiful killer-thing about appreciation is that it’s one of the most amazingly powerful elements in the universe.
And appreciation allows you to increase the level of the beauty and bliss you experience, says Harv.
Take an investment portfolio as an example.
You ‘look for’ the appreciation to rise - this increases the value.
So appreciate your life and it automatically rises in value!
The act of appreciation is what increases the value of what’s in front of you, says Harv, and you’re invited to participate in this exercise…
For this month, practice appreciation at every opportunity you get.
You will find things to appreciate if you actively look for it.
You will always find what you're looking for… be it a problem, a solution, or a reason to smile or frown.
The mind is a tricky thing, especially when your conditioned mind - a.k.a your inner bodyguard - is in the operator's seat...
And you keep handing it the keys to continue driving your life...
So take control of this “inner bodyguard” by prioritizing your happiness.
Connect with the happiness already within you and appreciate your present.
Your review is like a legacy, so if you liked this post or you learned something new and helpful, great, then leave a good star rating and if not, then leave a poor rating - but good or bad, please leave a comment and let others know what you think at the bottom of this page where you see the 'Leave A Review' section.
Has your Mind ever wondered…
Social comparison and how we buy into those distinctions breeds envy.
The natural tendency of human nature to make comparisons is one of the ways people evaluate their status, their achievements, and ultimately, their self-worth.
When comparing oneself to someone who has more something you want, one’s own deficit can evoke feelings of envy and inadequacy because the idea becomes internalized.
The way out of feeling ‘less than’ or ‘unworthy’ is to stop comparing and to practice appreciation of one’s current life.
As human beings, it’s common for people to feel the desire to be valued and accepted as part of a group, community, or society.
That ‘need’ is programmed into the conditioned mind’s survival tactics - we think and act in ways that ensure we ‘fit in’ to where we believe we ‘belong’.
If you feel awkward talking about money, it may be due to the fear of prejudice, ridicule, or how materialistic you might sound when you have a conversation about the topic.
In turn, feeling this way could make it difficult for you to open up about your financial situation especially when you may need advice or help.
To break this cycle, take inventory of why you’re avoiding conversations around money and start replacing the habit of feeling ‘less than’ with the habit of building more.
Most rich people didn’t gain their fortunes by avoiding talking about money...
Practice Appreciation and Gratitude!
Take stock of your blessings…
Make a list of the people and possessions you are privileged or lucky to have - all the little & big things and people that make life bearable and possible - to highlight what you take for granted.
Because we tend to forget how blessed and fortunate we are when all we do is compare our life against that of others, and when we focus on what we don’t have yet.
First, stop believing that you’re ‘less than’ and stop comparing yourself to others.
Next, do something about where you are if you’re dissatisfied with your current financial condition…
Become aware of your situation by scheduling a financial check-in - doing this daily or monthly will help you get into the habit of watching your money.
Then, set a financial objective with a deadline date to have a specific amount by a specific time.
Create a monthly household and/or business budget to allocate your income accordingly and take control of your money habits.
Consider working with the JARS Money Management System to support your intention of becoming financially free.
Accept that you have created this life and also accept that you alone can alter the course based on the choices you make.
Only you can decide your level of contentment with your life by being real about what you already have and appreciating what you have right this moment.
Like every decision you make around where you go, what you do, and what you invest in, happiness is a choice too, and the happier you are, the more secure you’ll become in all other aspects of your life.
As much we all desire to have one or more things - varying from ranges of economic muscle, culture, tradition etc. - but we can not have all... there are other things money can not buy and no matter how we try to get them, the more jealous we become and the more we complicate our lives.
It is a prerequisite that each one of us must know and learn to live with it.
Comparing yourself to others should be based on an inspiration and always strive to learn new things because learning is an enduring process.
It is in failure to understand these basic principles that you will feel uncomfortable around rich people - and a driving factor about it is a comparison gap which is there.
God has blessed each one of us abundantly- let us learn to live with God's blessing and gratitude.
Always be inspired and never have ill motives towards people who are doing better in life than us...
It is natural to have such feeling because someone is advanced in some aspects of life more than us, however always aspire to learn, be grateful for things you have and do your home work to have things you do not have.
Human wants are just endless - even those with money they also lack things which money can not buy e. g good health, faithful partners etc.
God has blessed each one us let us be grateful and live our present life whilst aspiring for tomorrow.
I tell people all the time to be content rather than comparing yourself with your friends, when you're content you will happy
Interesting reading
3 points that stood out to me.
1) I've struggle with allowing myself to be content for the exact reason Harv described!
Are you in my head?
I guess we are all more alike than we know.
Lesson Learned: Being content is good and not the same as comfortable or worse complacent.
Being content is not a closed door that leads to stagnation but is the way in which we keep the good flowing in, it stabilizes our vibrational atmosphere to keep the things we enjoy about our life stable and secure while steadily increasing.
2) Comparisons: Lesson learned comparing myself to others is bad but using myself as the standard is no good either, both are a downward spiral into low self-esteem and low self-worth, which is the root of all misery and poverty.
3) Appreciation!
I loved the analogy of the market appreciation.
Appreciating now and Doing in the now is the only thing that is real.
The only foundation that is solid for positive momentum and sustained growth.
This was a great lesson!
Thank you so much, for all the information, advice, love, support and encouragement you provide.
It really is life changing.
- just a little side note: it's kind of weird to read, "Harv says" etc... in every other sentence. - just saying.
Siendo sincero soy un joven de 15 años quiero volverme rico eh leído libros y eh puesto sus prácticas en uso y la verdad si funcionan en el hábito de dinero y desarrollo personal me gustaría algún día conocer a T. Harv Eker para poder conocerlo mejor en persona agradezco por compartir su reseña y sus nobles palabras para nuestro desarrollo personal gracias
[Translated from Spanish: To be honest, I am a 15-year-old young man. I want to become rich. I have read books and put their practices into use and the truth is, if they work in the habit of money and personal development, I would like to one day meet T. Harv Eker so I can get to know him better in person, I thank you for sharing your review and your noble words for our personal development, thank you]
Beautiful piece, these are relatable situations, thank you for giving me insight on how to navigate through...
This message is very timely & educative. I was feeling really low yesterday because I was comparing myself with others, yet I have made great progress in the past few months. Thanks Harv for the insight. Much appreciated
Thank you for this insightful article. As someone who has read the book "The Secrets of The Millionaire Mindset", it's always great to be reminded of the mindset that is essential on the road to financial freedom. This article is especially fun to read because I’ve always felt comfortable around people from all walks of life, and I appreciate the teachings on how to manage feelings of discomfort around wealth.
Psychologically speaking, the discomfort that many people feel around those wealthier than themselves can often be attributed to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. Research in social psychology suggests that social comparison can heavily influence one's sense of self-esteem and well-being. As noted, the tendency to compare oneself to others, whether wealthier or less wealthy, can create a constant cycle of dissatisfaction. This cycle can be damaging because it focuses energy on external validation rather than internal growth and acceptance.
Recent findings in the field of positive psychology also supports the assertion that happiness and contentment are habits. Studies have shown that individuals who practice gratitude and mindfulness can significantly improve their well-being and overall satisfaction with life. By choosing to be content and appreciative of where we are in the present moment, we can avoid the trap of "if only" thinking. Interestingly, research into happiness has shown that the pursuit of future goals does not necessarily lead to greater happiness unless we learn to enjoy the present along the way.
Your message about the importance of staying present and not playing the comparison game is powerful. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) also emphasizes the need to challenge negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, which are often at the root of feelings like "I am less than." The process of challenging these beliefs and reframing them is crucial in fostering a mindset of self-worth and empowerment.
It’s clear that this approach aligns with both psychological theory and practical strategies for success. The emphasis on being content with where you are while still striving for more is a balanced approach to personal growth and financial success. The notion that "how you do anything is how you do everything" is particularly significant—it speaks to the consistency needed in both your mindset and actions to achieve long-term success.
Thank you once again for sharing this article. I look forward to continuing to integrate these teachings into my own journey toward financial freedom!
Good learning and think big
Panacea was in Greek Mythology the goddess of universal health! The word nowadays in Greek has a meaning of the medicine that heals everything. This article was exactly what I wanted to read today to feel better and it changed my mindset. I already started to read Harv's book for the second time and am really happy for that. I am feeling more confident to increase my income and find my wife for life. I am feeling totally grateful for this quality content you share with us. Thank you!!!
Very good reminder