Powerful effective communication is essential for building successful relationships and if you’d like to know how to be an effective communicator, you’ll love the difference 4 little words can make in your conversations and negotiations.
Skillful, meaningful, and sincere tact is something that New York Times Bestselling Author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker learned on his journey to uncovering the secrets to lasting happiness, success, and wealth.
And if you’d like to learn how to be an effective communicator too, use these 4 words as suggested by Harv to influence others positively through your acceptance and understanding.
When you’ve been around as long as Harv has, and you start talking about entertainers who’ve been doing their own thing for decades, you kind of give your age away.
Although, it might be safe to believe that even the younger generation is familiar with the beloved late George Carlin.
Together with a Pacifica radio station, he single-handedly altered Federal Communication Commission policies by introducing us to the 7 filthiest words in the English language.
Look, there’s no defeating Carlin’s comic genius, but Harv can take a page from his book by offering some of the best words to use for powerful, effective communication.
Particularly when the goal is to influence somebody 'positively'.
And, according to Harv, those 4 little words to use to communicate effectively are:
So, Harv admits that most people know some of this intuitively already.
Such as when engaging in conversation with strangers or friends alike, you’d wish for them to feel that you actually know where they’re coming from, whether you agree with them or not.
You’d like to make sure they feel understood.
Hence, two of the most effective words we can use in communication are: I understand.
If you’re able to cultivate the habit of responding with 'I understand' to every communication, you’ll disarm 80% of any resistant or 'negative' energy immediately, says Harv.
And even if you don’t truly understand, you can say… “Can you clarify that for me just a little bit more?”
Because what’s it about?
Listening of course!
People have a desire to feel heard, and to feel understood.
Harv urges you to practice how to communicate effectively so that it becomes a habit and a way of being.
Once you’ve passed this stage, you can work on the persuasion part.
What else do we instinctively know about our use of language?
There’s one little word nobody likes to hear or should say after somebody shared their feeling or opinions, Harv mentions.
And that’s the dreaded little word ‘BUT’.
Because what happens when you go… “Yeah, I see what you’re saying, but…”?
It causes some abrasion with the other person and they get that vexed look in their eye because they feel you’ve just negated every single thing they said!
Even in the event that you originally had them convinced that you understood their perspective, that’s gone now.
Fortunately, Harv assures that the answer to this is as simple as using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’.
“Yeah, I hear what you’re saying, and here’s something else I was thinking about in addition to that…”
That’s how Harv suggests to communicate effectively and nurture the conversation respectfully without being dismissive or insensitive.
Now, on to the final ‘nice’ word…
It’s a word to help us identify with those around us while also discerning our own point of view.
The last thing you wish for is that someone in your company ends up feeling isolated.
So instead of saying… “You have ways to go…”, rather say ‘WE’.
“You know, sometimes we as people have a tendency to make snap judgments even though we don’t all the facts yet.”
Harv argues that that’s a much nicer way to point out when someone’s being short-sighted or pig-headed without alienating them or making them feel their point of view is invalid.
Using ‘we’ is also a great leadership tool for anyone displaying openness to be educated.
Don’t overcomplicate it.
Be sincere and really care about communicating effectively with others and your relationships will thank you for it.
You don’t have to take our word for it though.
Try this out for a week, or a month and see the results for yourself.
You’ll notice how differently people respond to you when you make an effort to communicate effectively with them.
Not only are these 4 little words vital for building great interpersonal relationships in life with friends, family, and loved ones…
Just imagine how profoundly it will impact your business when you know how to communicate effectively in moments of negotiation.
Remember, how you do anything is how you do everything and your quality of leadership is reliant on effective communication and skillful negotiations to build strong relationships.
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Has your Mind ever wondered…
With clarity, sincerity, and integrity effective communication is already a lot easier than when someone’s trying to find roundabout ways to achieve a desired outcome.
By using these 4 little words habitually, and meaning them, not only will you master how to be an effective communicator, but you’ll also be building on your success with every conversation.
The aim of any conversation is to nurture a relationship, and the more you communicate effectively, the better you’ll become at it.
Apart from really listening to the person you’re speaking with, as well as being concise and compassionate, it’s important to be kind and helpful if you’d like to make a positive impact on your conversation partner.
These 4 little words encompass all those qualities and assure that you can still make your point, without hurting anyone’s feelings while also creating the space for you to persuade them to see your point of view more clearly.
To understand and to be understood in how you express yourself and interpret the expression of someone you’re in a conversation or negotiation with.
When you can listen as well as you talk, say what you mean, and mean what you say without creating an atmosphere of superiority vs. inferiority, and if you have a desire to cultivate the habit of effective communication skills, you’re already doing better than most.
And if you’d like to learn more about how to be an effective communicator, use the 4 little words Harv talks about in this post.
Connection is sacred, and whether we realize it or not, having a conversation however casual or serious, is a way for us to connect and either make or break a relationship.
Few people, if any, enter a conversation to muck it up, and most people don’t quite know how to be an effective communicator, nor how simple it could be by merely replacing ‘negative’ language with ‘supportive’ language.
Whether you’re looking to effectively communicate and connect with loved ones or business colleagues, it’s always a negotiation of sorts and to become great at negotiations, these 4 little words make a world of difference in any discussion.
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