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Q&A: How To Boost Your Self Esteem & Feel Good Anytime

In today’s Q&A post, we look at the simple tricks of feeling good about yourself, how to conquer the darkness of negative thoughts that keep you from moving forward, and how to boost your self-esteem evermore as shared by T. Harv Eker in response to a reader’s question.

Are you ready to see the light?

Question from Reader:

“Can a person always feel good about themselves?”

Harv's Answer:

According to Harv, this is a great question because it relates to how thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions that lead to results.

And when you know how your mind operates, you have a better idea of how to control it.

Harv starts answering this question by explaining that, when he was young, he was pretty decent at golf.

He got his first set of clubs at the age of 13 and living across the road from a driving range provided him with ample opportunity to practice, which he did.

So he became pretty decent at golf.

Then, at the age of 17, he developed what’s called a ‘slice’ where the ball really curves out into the woods basically, and he couldn’t correct it.

Once he got out of school, it was business, and this and that, and it took over.

So for about 30 years, he didn’t play golf again.

He got back into it some time later and he’s never ever ever ever ever been able to be nearly as good as when he was 13…

Can you believe it?

Harv’s taken lessons, gone to clubs, and he changes his swing every time but nothing works.

Why is he telling you this?

Well, because Harv just came from the driving range and yesterday, he was visiting his wife on the range…

He had his flip-flops on and regular clothes, and he was just going to talk to her but she was hitting on the range.

And there were a couple of instructors there so he took his flip-flops off, he was in his bare feet and he was doing pretty good.

He doesn’t even know what he was doing but it was fun.

So of course, today he was so excited to go out there and give it a try, and what do you think happened?

Not very good…

Now if you are super enlightened you may think…

“Wow, why does he think like that?” and Harv agrees with you!

WHY DOES he think like that?

But if you’re only semi-enlightened, like some of the time, and Harv might call himself that some of the time for sure, certainly not all the time… then you too might have moments like these.

You know, when Harv plays golf now and he doesn’t do very well, he doesn’t feel very good.

And he doesn’t feel very good about himself.

And it’s not like… “Oh my god, I’m a terrible person!”

But it’s more like… “WHY can’t I do this BETTER?

I mean, I should be able to do it better.

I should be able to be a good golfer.

I play quite a bit.

I don’t know why I’m not doing better…”

It’s ridiculous.

The ball doesn’t even move yet, there’s no opponent to tackle you or anything and you end up saying… “Hit the ball!” you know.

And literally, he gets a little UPSET with himself when he’s not playing well.

Sure he’ll get one or two good shots and then he feels good but there is a little sense that, unfortunately for Harv when he’s doing something that he’s not so great at, his self-esteem seems to SUFFER.

Just a little tiny bit…

Have you ever experienced it?

It’s like he doesn’t feel amazing, and he’s not chipper…

Harv’s in his head and he can’t believe that he had all these high hopes again and it didn’t work.

How many of you can relate to what Harv’s saying?

I mean, you KNOW you shouldn’t ATTACH your self-worth to anything as dumb as that…

But you DO!

So there are two lessons here…

Lesson number one is that Harv has to practice not attaching any of his worthiness or esteem to whatever he’s DOING and also not to the outcome of what he’s doing, or whatever’s going on.

To be enlightened you would not be attaching your self-esteem to the OUTCOME of literally anything, says Harv.

Whether it’s business, money, or relationships, none of these things should affect your self-esteem.

But lesson number two is…

What if it does?

Of course, Harv knows he shouldn’t have his self-esteem involved in the outcome of anything, it’s ridiculous.

He’s higher than that, his True Self doesn’t ‘need’ it, he has NO DESIRE for attachment, but it happens.

He says he can feel it, you know.

"Geez Harv, but how does that boost your self-esteem then?"

It doesn't!

So what does Harv do?

What are the practical things to do?

Let’s share Harv’s two things with you… 

Two tricks of the trade that he uses to get himself back to center.

Trick number one…

Take a deep breath...

Then get yourself centered, come back to the present moment, and go back to your Higher Self and…

Whatever that is, be it a golf game, a fight with someone, a raise you didn’t get, a sale that fell through, a business that’s not doing so great, whatever it is where you feel like your self-esteem is in a bit of trouble…

Because you’re going to consciously make the choice to come from your higher self…

You say to yourself… 

“This is my lower self speaking, saying I should give up what I’m doing because I’m no good at it, it’s so hard for me and I suck at it.”

Because it’s NOT a helpful or empowering voice, Harv says.

And, this kind of thinking and language will not boost your self-esteem, your levels of self-trust,  your confidence, or your mood.

At this point, you must observe the voice, hear the voice, and go…

“Okay, this voice is a voice I hear a lot. 

And regardless of what it says, and of what it says it about, it’s always the same frickin’ voice called Mindfrick.”

What Harv calls ‘Mindfrick’ is mind friction and it screws you up, it slows your growth because it ‘Fricks’ you up.

Life will be clear and beautiful and smooth if you don’t have friction, but you do because of the voice in your head.

So first you’ve got to RECOGNIZE that THIS is just Mindfrick, says Harv.

Entertaining this kind of inner dialogue for more than a moment does not boost your self-esteem or bring you the results you're looking for.

Let it go.

Say… “Thank you for sharing” and let it go.

And continue doing what you’re doing by changing the focus by yourself.

Recognize that the VOICE IN YOUR HEAD is not the voice of God.

It is not even the voice of reason.

It is the voice of FEAR and of detriment.

It is the voice of trying to salvage itself… it’s EGO.

So Harv insists that you’ve got to take the bull by the horns and you can’t wait for it to just dissipate.

You’ve got to start changing your focus and put your attention on one thing at a time by consciously reframing the situation because your mind really can only focus on one thing at a time.

And you’re not just reframing your mind, you’re centering your mind to who you really are.

This means your True Self really has no attachment to playing golf, or how much money you’ve got, or what you’re fighting about in your relationship.

Your True Self is all about BEINGNESS, expansion, and love, according to Harv.

And that’s ALL…

Expansion and love and being present… those are the ONLY things that are involved in your True Self.

Expansion, love, and presence are what will give you CONNECTION.

All the other cr@p that’s in your head is just noise.

Harv pictures that voice of fear sometimes as an actual poop, real cr@p in his head.

There are parts of your body that are clean and clear, and then there are other parts of your body that have waste that must be expelled.

So Harv looks at this as something that has to be expelled, released, let go, and put away.

And his focus has to be on the LIGHT.

You see, the only thing that conquers darkness is light.

So you’ve got to keep on practicing putting your focus on the light, on the love, on the presence, on your Higher Self traits.

Because if YOU don’t, it won’t.

Left to its own devices, how many of you have recognized that your mind will create a disastrous life for you?

If you just let your mind roam and do its thing, because it’s based in fear and protection, it will DESTROY you, says Harv.

So what do you do?

You’ve got to intercede and you’ve got to change the focus to boost your self-esteem and positive life experience a little here.

Because, and this is the BIG ONE so write it down…

The FOCUS of your attention is what determines the QUALITY of your LIFE.

So Harv recommends that you make this your mantra…

The focus of MY attention determines the quality of MY life.

You can sit in a cave, meditating for 40 years and you’ll come out with that phrase.

You MUST control the focus of your attention.

Think of attention as a headlamp.

If you’re wearing a miner’s cap with a headlight, and everything around you is dark except for where you point your head

It’s not that everything around you doesn’t exist, because it does, but the only thing that exists for YOU is what you focus your attention on, Harv says.

So the SECRET to life is that the focus of your attention determines the quality of your life.

Now if you know it’s that simple, all you have to get good at is to what?

Keep on controlling where that light goes… you must control your attention.

What does your attention have to go on if it’s not on something good right now?

It has to go on 2 possibilities…

Possibility number 1 is the present moment.

Possibility number 2 is an intermediate step to go to your positive trigger, or positive anchor which is the picture in your mind that makes you feel empowered, in love, and in happiness.

Something specific that makes you feel grateful… go to that positive place that you can replace a negative thought with.

Because here, Harv points out, light conquers dark as your positive trigger will become your flashlight of consciousness that shifts your focus in the darkness to something light.

So use this trigger or anchor to move yourself into the present, because only in the present moment can you be enlightened and connected to your True Self.

And that’s trick number two… use a specific positive anchor to consciously shift your attention to the present moment and keep practicing this.

Through practice and connection, you boost your self-esteem and ultimately improve on the results you get.

Next Steps

Ask yourself how this message pertains to you.

Use the same tactics millionaires use to overcome their mindset challenges and strategize your success so you can become unstoppable in life and in business, by prioritizing your happiness and practicing increasing your self-confidence consciously.

Make Your Voice Heard

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faq-frequently-asked-questions

Frequently Asked Questions About How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Has your Mind ever wondered…

How do you build self-trust and confidence?

Practice makes permanent, and if you’d like to learn how to build self-trust and confidence, Harv suggests that you work on one thing at a time, build on one habit improvement, and create small wins.

This way, you’ll build trust in yourself so that you can follow through on your word.

You’ll come to trust in your own ability to achieve a goal and most importantly, you will build the habit of creating situations that boost your self-esteem and integrity.

How can you increase your self-esteem?

Monitor your thoughts.

Awareness is the first step to any change or improvement.

When you’re not feeling confident in a moment, you have to be able to recognize it.

Then bring your mind to the PRESENT and connect to a POSITIVE TRIGGER.

This will help boost your self-esteem, trust, and confidence in yourself that you are in control of your life.

How do you know your self-worth?

The focus of your attention determines the quality of your life.

Your conditioned mind, that’s been programmed by your past experiences has a desire to protect you against rejection, among other things that threaten your survival.

You are already good enough for the life you desire, and you can make fear work FOR you if you’re willing to learn how.

Understand that your self-worth as a human being is not determined by your material wealth, your looks, or your career, although these items could reflect what you believe your worth is.

To be enlightened you would not be attaching your self-esteem to the OUTCOME of literally anything.

If your mind has been conditioned to believe your self-worth is anything less than 100% worthy of the infinite abundance you are part of and created from, then that mindset has to be reined in.

You can boost your self-esteem by getting started on how to develop a millionaire mindset.

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