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Q&A: How To Boost Your Self Esteem & Feel Good Anytime

In today’s Q&A post, Harv shares the simple tricks of feeling good about yourself, how to conquer the darkness of negative thoughts that keep you from moving forward, and how to boost your self esteem evermore.

Are you ready to see the light?

Question from Reader:

“Can a person always feel good about themselves?”

Harv's Answer:

Thank you for a great question because this relates to how thoughts lead to feelings that lead to actions which lead to results.

And when you know how your mind operates, you have a better idea of how to control it.

When I was young, I was pretty decent at golf.

I got my first set of clubs at the age of 13 and living across the road from a driving range provided me with ample opportunity to practice, which I did.

So I became pretty decent at golf.

Then, at the age of 17 I developed what’s called a ‘slice’ where the ball really curves out into the woods basically, and I couldn’t correct it.

Once I got out of school, it was business, and this and that, and it took over.

So for about 30 years I didn’t play golf again.

I got back into it some time later and I’ve never ever ever ever ever been able to be nearly as good as when I was 13…

Can you believe it?

I’ve taken lessons, gone to clubs, I change my swing every time but nothing works.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, because I just came from the driving range and yesterday, I was visiting my wife on the range…

I had my flip-flops on, and regular clothes, and I was just going to talk to her but she was hitting on the range.

And there were a couple of instructors there so I took my flip-flops off, I was in my bare feet and I was doing pretty good.

I don’t even know what I was doing but it was fun.

So of course, today I was so excited to go out there and give it a try, and what do you think happened?

Not very good…

Now if you are super enlightened you may think…

“Wow, why does he think like that?” and I agree with you!

WHY DO I think like that?

But if you’re only semi-enlightened, like some of the time, and I might call myself that some of the time for sure, certainly not all the time… then you too might have moments like these.

You know, when I play golf now and I don’t do very well, I don’t feel very good.

And I don’t feel very good about myself.

And it’s not like… “Oh my god I’m a terrible person!”

But it’s more like… “WHY can’t I do this BETTER?

I mean, I should be able to do it better.

I should be able to be a good golfer.

I play quite a bit.

I don’t know why I’m not doing better…”

It’s ridiculous.

The ball doesn’t even move yet, there’s no opponent to tackle you or anything and you end up saying… “Hit the ball!” you know.

And literally, I get a little UPSET with myself when I’m not playing well.

Sure I get one or two good shots and then I feel good but there is a little sense that, unfortunately for me when I’m doing something that I’m not so great at, my self esteem seems to SUFFER.

Just a little tiny bit…

Have you ever experienced it?

It’s like I don’t feel amazing, and I’m not chipper…

I’m in my head and I can’t believe that I had all these high hopes again and it didn’t work.

How many of you can relate to what I’m saying?

I mean, you KNOW you shouldn’t ATTACH your self-worth to anything as dumb as that…

But you DO!

So there are two lessons here…

Lesson number one is that I have to practice not attaching any of my worthiness or esteem to whatever I’m DOING and also not to the outcome of what I’m doing, or whatever’s going on.

To be enlightened you would not be attaching your self esteem to the OUTCOME of literally anything.

Whether it’s business, money or relationships, none of these things should affect your self esteem.

But lesson number two is…

What if it does?

Of course I know I shouldn’t have my self esteem involved in the outcome of anything, it’s ridiculous.

I’m higher than that, my True Self doesn’t ‘need’ it, I have NO DESIRE for attachment, but it happens.

I can feel it, you know.

"Geez Harv, but how does that boost your self esteem then?"

It doesn't!

So what do I do?

What are the practical things to do?

Let me share two things with you… 

Two tricks of the trade that I use to get myself back to center.

Trick number one…

Take a deep breath..

Then get yourself centered, come back to the present moment and go back to your Higher Self and…

Whatever that is, be it a golf game, a fight with someone, a raise you didn’t get, a sale that fell through, a business that’s not doing so great, whatever it is where you feel like your self esteem is in a bit of trouble…

Because you’re going to consciously make the choice to come from your higher self…

You say to yourself… “This is my lower self speaking, saying I should give up what I’m doing because I’m no good at it, it’s so hard for me and I suck at it.”

Because it’s not a helpful or empowering voice.

And this kind of thinking and language will not boost your self esteem, your levels of self trust, your confidence or your mood.

At this point you must observe the voice, hear the voice and go…

“Okay, this voice is a voice I hear a lot. And regardless of what it says, and of what it says it about, it’s always the same frickin’ voice called Mindfrick.”

Mindfrick is mind friction and it screws you up, it slows your growth because it ‘Fricks’ you up.

Life will be clear and beautiful and smooth if you didn’t have friction, but you do because of the voice in your head.

So first you’ve got to RECOGNIZE that THIS is just Mindfrick.

Entertaining this kind of inner dialogue for more than a moment does not boost your self esteem or bring you the results you're looking for.

Let it go.

Say… “Thank you for sharing” and let it go.

And continue doing what you’re doing by changing the focus by yourself.

Recognize that the VOICE IN YOUR HEAD is not the voice of God.

It is not even the voice of reason.

It is the voice of FEAR and of detriment.

It is the voice of trying to salvage itself… it’s EGO.

So you’ve got to take the bull by the horns and you can’t wait for it to just dissipate.

You’ve got to start changing your focus and put your attention on one thing at a time by consciously reframing the situation because your mind really can only focus on one thing at a time.

And you’re not just reframing your mind, you’re centering your mind to who you really are.

Meaning your True Self really has no attachment to playing golf, or how much money you’ve got or what you’re fighting about in your relationship.

Your True Self is all about BEINGNESS, expansion and love.

And that’s ALL…

Expansion and love and being present… those are the ONLY things that are involved in your True Self.

Expansion, love and presence is what will give you CONNECTION.

All the other cr@p that’s in your head is just noise.

I picture that voice of fear sometimes as an actual poop, real cr@p in my head.

There are parts of your body that are clean and clear, and then there are other parts of your body that have waste that must be expelled.

So I look at this as something that has to be expelled, released, let go and put away.

And my focus has to be on the LIGHT.

You see, the only thing that conquers darkness is light.

So you’ve got to keep on practicing putting your focus on the light, on the love, on the presence, on your Higher Self traits.

Because if YOU don’t, it won’t.

Left to its own devices, how many of you have recognized that your mind will create a disastrous life for you?

If you just let your mind roam and do it’s thing, because it’s based in fear and protection, it will DESTROY you.

So what do you do?

You’ve got to intercede and you’ve got to change the focus to boost your self esteem and positive life experience a little here.

Because, and this is the BIG ONE so write it down…

The FOCUS of your attention is what determines the QUALITY of your LIFE.

So make this your mantra…

The focus of MY attention determines the quality of MY life.

You can sit in a cave, meditating for 40 years and you’ll come out with that phrase.

You MUST control the focus of your attention.

Think of attention as a headlamp.

If you’re wearing a miner’s cap with a headlight, and everything around you is dark except for where you point your head

It’s not that everything around you doesn’t exist, because it does, but the only thing that exists for YOU is what you focus your attention on.

So the SECRET to life is that the focus of your attention determines the quality of your life.

Now if you know it’s that simple, all you have to get good at is to what?

Keep on controlling where that light goes… you must control your attention.

What does your attention have to go on if it’s not on something good right now?

It has to go on 2 possibilities…

Possibility number 1 is the present moment.

Possibility number 2 is an intermediate step to go to your positive trigger, or positive anchor which is the picture in your mind that makes you feel empowered, in love and in happiness.

Something specific that makes you feel grateful… go to that positive place that you can replace a negative thought with.

Because here, light conquers dark as your positive trigger will become your flashlight of consciousness that shifts your focus in the darkness to something light.

So use this trigger or anchor to move yourself into the present, because only in the present moment can you be enlightened and connected to your True Self.

And that’s trick number two… use a specific positive anchor to consciously shift your attention to the present moment and keep practicing this.

Through practice and connection you boost your self esteem and ultimately improve on the results you get.

Next Steps

If you would like to discover the same tactics millionaires use to overcome their mindset challenges, with proven strategies to be happier and to become unstoppable in life and in business, then check out T. Harv Eker’s complimentary web class “Don’t Believe a Thought You Think” in our free virtual event.

This free virtual event includes:

  • 8-lesson mini email course with a plan of action on how to become unstoppable no matter what
  • Don’t Believe a Thought You Think free web class by T. Harv Eker


Frequently Asked Questions About How to Boost Your Self Esteem

Has your Mind ever wondered…

How do you build self trust and confidence?

Practice makes permanent, and if you’d like to learn how to build self trust and confidence, Harv suggests that you work on one thing at a time, build on one habit improvement and create small wins.

This way, you’ll build trust in yourself that you can follow though on your word.

You’ll come to trust in your own ability to achieve a goal and most importantly, you will build the habit of creating situations that boost your self esteem and integrity.

How can you increase your self-esteem?

Monitor your thoughts.

Awareness is the first step to any change or improvement.

When you’re not feeling confident in a moment, you have to be able to recognize it.

Then bring your mind to the PRESENT and connect to a POSITIVE TRIGGER.

This will help boost your self esteem, trust and confidence in yourself that you are in control of your life.

How do you know your self worth?

The focus of your attention determines the quality of your life.

Your conditioned mind, that’s been programmed by your past experiences has a desire to protect you against rejection, among other things that threaten your survival.

You are already good enough for the life you desire, and you can make fear work FOR you if you’re willing learn how.

Understand that your self worth as a human being is not determined by your material wealth, your looks or your career, although these items could reflect what you believe your worth is.

To be enlightened you would not be attaching your self esteem to the OUTCOME of literally anything.

If your mind has been conditioned to believe your self worth is anything less that 100% worthy of the infinite abundance you are part of and created from, then that mindset has to be reined in.

You can boost your self esteem by getting started on how to develop a millionaire mindset.