Learn From The Smartest Millionaire Minds in Business

Boundaries - How to Stop Being Afraid to Say No

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Learning how to stop being afraid to say no is an essential skill required for implementing effective boundaries in all relationships.

Prioritizing yourself is vital if productivity is high on your agenda.

Trainer, Speaker, and Author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker has a wealth of personal experience in balancing life, money, and happiness.  

He didn’t get rich by saying yes to everyone else’s demands and giving the best of himself away without reward.

Here are some of Harv’s top mindset tips to prevent your decisions from being your downfall, so you can learn when, why, and how to say NO to the things that don’t bring you wealth, success, and fulfillment.  

Where to start and when to stop taking on more responsibility?  

When will you admit that 'enough is enough', and that you’ve finally reached your limit?  

How can you learn to confidently say “no” and avoid burnout?

Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to something else. -T. Harv Eker

This regularly quoted statement is so relevant and true.

How likely are you to excel at your string of tasks when you agree to do everything? 

Not very much, according to Harv

Taking on too much increases the potential for serious burnout.

It’s a real-time struggle — and precious time is so limited.

It’s not possible to do it all – and even less so, to do it all well. 

When saying yes to something, know that this means closing the door to something else – which is absolutely okay. 

It’s your life, your unique choices make you who you are and create your specific path - everyone has a different journey.

When Saying “Yes”, You Trade Your Time & Your Effort

Can you fit more onto your plate? 

Will you end up sacrificing something you enjoy?

Which opportunities open up for the betterment of your own life? 

What do you gain and lose?

And critically: is this what you want to do? 

Will it steal you away from more significant life aspects or loftier priorities? 

Harv insists that it’s about self-care and stress management.

You’d rather be truly enjoying your life.

However, if you’ve filled your life with things you answered ‘yes’ to, that you didn’t want to do or that don’t actually fulfill you, you’re not living your best life, he adds.

Here are some unmistakable signs, from Harv’s perspective, confirming overwhelm and a ceaseless impulse to say “yes” to everything:

 1. No Time to Prioritize Yourself or Your Happiness...

There never seems to be enough time for you to do the things that bring you happiness...

We all get busy, sometimes even for weeks at a time, but YOU…

You don’t even have a moment to smell the roses.

Such is life. 

But when those busy spells occur routinely, you’re on a fast train to destination “burnout”, warns Harv.

If this feels familiar, you need some boundaries. 

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you unreasonable, on the contrary, according to Harv, it’s the mark of a more reliable and rational person! 

Responsibility for your goals and your life is solely yours.

Minimizing your “to-do” list by removing what doesn’t serve you or bring you bliss is step 1 to living your life on your own terms. 

Freeing yourself up for the success you’ve always desired means selecting what’s most important to you, and eliminating what’s not… 

 2. Focusing on the Future Instead of the Present...

You're worrying about tomorrow and missing out on today.

According to Harv, the root of overwhelm is the experience of fear.

And fear is that feeling that there’s just not enough.

Not enough money, not enough time, not enough resources, or the fear that if you’re not the one doing it all, you’ll miss your big break. 

This fear is the reason overwhelm always feels devastating. 

You might feel stress, anxiety, or pressure, but this all ultimately condenses to fear.

So, how do you overcome that fear or limiting belief?

Reducing your list of things to do could help however, Harv recalls from experience that fear has far less to do with the things on your to-do list than it has with your way of thinking. 

Take stock of the limitations and fears sabotaging your success right now.

And remember that we fear things in the future, things that haven't even happened yet and might never happen, so why do that to yourself?

Manage your Mind so you can Manage your Fear

This means whenever fear creeps in to cause a setback or stress, tell yourself: “That’s not helpful. I’m going to believe or think of something else.”

Then take a breath and reframe the scenario, i.e.: “If I don’t take on this task at work, my boss won’t think I’m qualified.”

Stop, breathe, think...

Where’s this coming from? 

Is it coming from external influences?

Is it founded on what other people think

Is it true? 

Since fear is but the anticipation of pain, understand that you can let it be and choose to believe something else, Harv asserts.

Why turn your back on success now in fear of what might happen in some version of the future?

Harv always says, “Why don’t we just cross that bridge when we get there? How about you become super successful now, and worry about any problems as they come up?”.

By not worrying about what might happen in the future, and focusing on being present, you’ll get much more done.

Although your fear won’t disappear completely initially, empower yourself to train your mind to cultivate the ability to steer this emotion more productively.

Whenever fear starts lurking, you’ll be much better equipped to act on your ability to manage what presents itself.

You’ll understand that a ‘worst-case scenario’ generated by the fear simply won’t happen.

Manage the mind to manage the fear.

How to Master Your Fear and Create Your Ultimate Life

I bet by now, you’re looking forward to learning how to master your fear to enable the creation of your ultimate life.

Three essential keys to conquering the monster are awareness, understanding, and rewiring or reconditioning, says Harv.

You must recognize your fear and confront it so you can change your thinking & emotional response.

No doubt you’re definitely aware now, with a much better understanding of your fear. 

Now all that remains to be done is rewiring.

And, only two things require action to rewire yourself beyond fear, so you can truly start living your best life:

  1. You must change how you react to your own thoughts.

  2. You must define your own vision of your ultimate best life.

You’re going nowhere if you don’t know where you’re going, aren’t you?

You’re wandering in darkness hoping you end up somewhere! 

You need a target destination.

With clear direction, you can plan your route and take decisive action!

How to Stop Being Afraid to Say No, and Focus Your Energy on Success Instead

Enough with the fear, let's focus on you.

To define your own vision of your ultimate life, Harv says that you must know what you're passionate about and what moves you to purpose.

Discovering what is worth living for, what feeds your soul and appeals to your highest satisfaction is key to finding the alignment required between being the right person, at the right time, and doing the right thing in the right way.

Your road to success starts the day you know who you truly are.

Conclusion:  Mastering Your Thoughts is Mastering Your Fears

Your mindset determines your levels of confidence and achievement before you take action.

The attitude you undertake any action with provides a certain quality of experience.  

Transforming your worrisome thoughts from fear of the future to fully present right here right now, will increase your productivity and surprise you in the most satisfying ways.

Replace the habit of worrying about the unwritten future with the habit of programming yourself for success, then the only future you will have is the one you design in every present moment. 

Learn more about the millionaire mind declarations and how they can help you reprogram your blueprint.

Your mind goes where you direct it, and worrying has brought you nothing but stress, now start doing something more constructive!

And what could be more constructive than replacing any poor habits with action?

Perhaps you'd like to start by learning how to tame fear so you can free yourself from the burden of worry over tomorrow.

Or maybe you feel like you could do with more self-confidence to help you take the first step into the unknown.

But whatever you do, make overcoming procrastination a priority so that you can start making decisions in your life that you will have no reason to regret.

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Frequently Asked Questions About How to Stop Being Afraid to Say No

Has your Mind ever wondered...

Why do I have a fear of saying no?

Two driving forces behind our choices are to preserve pleasure or to prevent pain.

Avoiding discomfort, conflict, rejection, loss, confrontation, hurting someone or getting hurt is exhausting, but for many, the preferred alternative to having assertive boundaries.

How can I train my mind to say no?

Three essential keys to conquering fear are: awareness, understanding, and rewiring or reconditioning.

You must recognize your fear and confront it so you can change your thinking & emotional response.

How do you say no in a smart way?

You need not offer apologies, explanations or excuses, although while you’re practicing the habit of saying no without feeling guilty about it, offering a different solution when you say no to something could indicate that you are invested in the best possible outcome although you’re not willing or presently able to facilitate the outcome.

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Stefanie Jones

Clear and direct ways to set and stick to a boundary

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I have always been terrible at setting boundaries, I am a people pleaser and tend to put others and what they want from me before what I need from myself. This article gives clear and direct ways to set a boundary and stick to it… along with a clear explanation of what our brain is doing when it sets a boundary vs. doesn’t set one. This article has had more impact on me I think than any other before it (and there have been a LOT!)

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